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When is Enough, Enough?

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See this special device…..

You are looking at the result of me skydiving without a parachute. Yes I did it, I was in the sky, diving without a parachute and behold, I landed on a ice cream truck. Right on top of the whip cream, coating the scoop of chocolate chunko ice cream.

Tis it is a sad sad tale indeed……

A lie is what it is! I think I have way too much fun with these bloggs. I tell my own stories and laugh behind the computer screen at my own self. Haha I really think Im funny though, but ok. I’m pretty sure you didnt come here for my shenanigans…

So here we go…

So I recently had a surgery, its been about 5 years (I think, I could be wrong) since I felt this pain. Though it is familiar to me it is still unpleasant. On top of that I had to cancel all of my shows for the month of August, as well as auditions I had lined up for a film and I could not participate on the praise and worship team (something I absolutely love….that couldnt stop me from singing praises at home…nope) or attend church service. Amongst all of that, I had to get accustomed to staying in bed, at home to recover. Any little thing, I wanted to get out of bed. Did anyone drop a fork all the way in the kitchen? Ill fight to get out of bed and drag my broken leg behind me to pick up that one fork. The struggle is seriously real.

Crazy I know. Its like why dont I just stay in the bed and get better right?

I cried when the pain was bad, when I was hungry and couldnt get my own food, when I looked in the mirror and saw 3 month old cornbraids on my head.

I cried when I had to recover.

I felt like a piece of furniture in a room, I felt lazy; I am so familiar to always doing something that I felt like I wasnt doing anything!

Literally today, after I had a fit because I didn’t want to calm down and relax, I came to a realization…

Writing this blog post from my bed, I want to ask you a question. When is enough, enough?

When is the pain enough? When will you take time for yourself to recover from the divorce, from work, from the hurt, discouragement, toxic friendships, and so on..When will ENOUGH BE ENOUGH? When will you understand and accept that sometimes you have to take some time for yourself to heal. The “recovery” process can be hard. You may look rough, feel dependent, vulnerable, isolated or even bored. Bored? Yes bored, maybe during that time in your life you have no choice but to not conduct in business but simply indulge in learning how to enjoy having a peace of mind.

Its ok to recover and let the damage heal. In the moment of feeling helpless you will find the energy to make a come back of greatness.

It is ok to focus on you. You are important and your health, whether it’s physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, and so on is important.

Sometimes we associate that “down” time with a whole bunch of cons and “I cants.” Actually that “down” time is a chance for you to recharge your battery and in that moment you CAN do a lot. Evaluate, heal, do something you enjoy, enjoy quality time with yourself and more!

Charge your battery! Get that positive energy up. You dont want your juice to decrease in percentage, next think your light dims to conserve energy, and next thing….BAM….you wont turn on or better yet you wont be able to fully enjoy life.

In conclusion, you may not be like me, laying in a bed surrounded with pillows, blankets, a laptop, gummy bears, ice packs and a planner (which I havent looked at in a long time) but hopefully my message of recovery can help you in some way, shape, or form.

Much love to yall!

Stay beautiful, stay unique, stay phenomenal!

 

 

Christian Girl Going Through “Un-Christian Things”

FB_IMG_1500473281372.jpgHello beautiful people!

Ive missed you guys! Its been so hectic for me. Ive been planning events and preparing for my book launch party as well as a whole lot of other things.

As many of you know I am now an author (*insert the clapping sound effect here*) and I am so excited. This was a big step for me. It was not easy putting some of my life story in a book for everyone to read…and I mean everyone! When my book was published I was dreading some criticism I felt I was going to receive. I was preparing myself for the, “why didnt..”, “you shouldnt…”, “dont do…” and so on. At one point I was hesitant about putting my work out there.

In this easy read book, I speak about my experiences with relationships, self esteem, confidence, having a Christ centered love, and so on. I also included a lot of my love poems that shows a timeline of the experiences being in a relationship, it all crumbling down and ultimately finding strength and understanding in Jesus. My poems were basically journal entries of a person in search of love and the meaning of love (dont forget to purchase the book! Yes, I am self promoting as well haha)

As much as I feel like my book is good I couldnt help but to wonder what if noone else likes my book? What if the poetry is too raw, too real, too uncut? What if I talk a little too much about my past and about myself ( I mean I am usually a conservative person)? Then it hit me….This is my book, my work and my story! I don’t mean to sound rude…no I really dont. Its just that when someone is going through something, a learning process, a time of discovery, growth, it doesnt always look like a room with a fancy table with tea, crackers and white napkins. A room with a big grand piano and a twirly staircase and a chandelier. Sometimes it looks like a shack, with dust, mold, 2 windows and a bucket (whats the bucket for? I dont know…) An outsider doesnt have to agree with my experience but keep in mind, its my experience. They do not need to agree with my reactions to life situations or with my human emotions, keep in mind its my emotions. Its your emotions.

Your experiences may not look like the next persons but that’s okay and it may not look like a grand ball! Cry as long as you need to, grieve as long as you need, scream, stomp, shout, throw. Be you because at the end of the day, what you go threw is not for show or for people to agree with. Its a process you are going through for you. As long as you overcome  in a healthy manner thats what the focus should be on…

National Poetry Month Dedication

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 Since it is National Poetry Month I decided to dedicate this blog post to well poetry and my story behind it! Lets get started shall we?

​What age did you first start writing?
I started writing when I was young, I usually say around ages 12 or 14.

What do you usually write about?
​I started off writing little poems about love, then it grew into longer poems about love. Eventually, I started writing about my own experiences with relationships and life in general. Being a Christian poet, I usually incorporate something about Jesus. I tend to write about issues in todays society, in church, and so on.

​Where did your stage name “Chosen.” come from?
​I always wanted a stage name but I didn’t just want to use any name. After some time, Chosen. was the name that seemed to fit me and my life, There are many meanings behind that name, While interviewed at one time I only shared one meaning due to the time and experiencing a blank mind (smh). Chosen. comes from the scripture Matthew 22:14, “For many are called, but few are chosen.” I believe God has a calling on my life (as He may have on other peoples life) and I chose to listen and to follow Him.  A lot of people can be called to complete a mission but not all of them will listen and follow God. This name also comes from 1 Peter 2:9, “But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light;” I mean this is self explanatory. I am chosen, I am different, I am a child of God. Chosen. also pertains to the fact that we go through issues in our life but we should try to understand that God knew what we would go through and what we would encounter. We were chosen to go through it, good or bad. 

What do you want accomplish with your gift?
Honestly, I want to touch the lives of millions. I want to uplift Christ and truly be used by Him. I would love to grow old and look back over my life satisfied because I didn’t sit on my gift but used it and was productive with my time here on earth.

What are some goals you have?
I want to continue to write books, I was never the best at writing but I took a liking to writing. I want to continue my blogs and videos on YouTube and connect with other creative minds. I also would love to travel around the world, ministering in spoken word as well as speaking as a motivational speaker. I want to meet new people and become more out there. With all my goals listed I cant help but say I also will love to eventually get my masters and become a therapist.

What are your fears?
My fears pertaining are not feeling good or creative enough and not knowing my next moves. Being around so many creative people sometimes pushes you to look at yourself and evaluate what your doing. When I am around creative people it usually encourages me to do more and to be more then what I think I can be. There are those moments that we all have though, when doubt creeps in an you wonder if your as good or as successful. I also like to have everything mapped out. Understanding that things don’t always work my way can be a hard pill to swallow. Sometimes not knowing what my next step or move is can be a little scary.

What am I working on?
I always have events I want to throw and things I want to do in mind. I can give you a list of ALL the things I want to do and the events I want to throw but that list goes on. So far, I am in the process of publishing my first book (yay) as well as hosting an event under PhenomenallyCHOSEN. June 2017 for the youth. While working a full time job I am also connecting with more people and attending more open mic events. I am still blogging and posting inspirational videos on YouTube as well.

Words of encouragement:
Don’t limit yourself or place yourself in a box. Dream big and do what you can to bring make your visions reality. Don’t lose yourself in the process.


Perfection at its Finest

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Its so easy to look at the outer and see how perfect someone has it together. Its so easy to look at the life of someone else and see the beauty radiating from their accomplishments, their promotions, advancements, etc…

​That person you look up to has it all together, everything is perfect. Perfection at its finest.

​You know what…

​I don’t get why perfection is associated with beauty, flaws are seen as ugly and as imperfections.

​A lot of individuals you see “have it all together” but what we fail to see is that the artists, entrepreneurs, speakers, big shots, etc. are not perfect. Majority of the time they went through  some unpleasant situation, sweat and tears to get where they are currently. In my opinion, the struggle is what’s beautiful. It’s what brings out the resiliency and strength in a person. Society has a bad habit of trying to cover up scars and hush hush the unpleasant things and shed light on what their idea of perfection should be.

​Lets talk about the story behind what you see in front of the curtain; lets talk about the years (for example) an artist had to build themselves up, encourage themselves, motivate themselves, promote their own work, book their own shows, step out of their comfort zone and lose relationships in the midst of it all. Lets talk about the doubt, fear and mental battles  that had to be conquered for them to get where there at.

​Its a shame, but society’s view of perfection some how leaked into the church and brain washed the saints. Wow. Maybe if some of the church folks didn’t uplift that idea of beauty in perfection, the world wouldn’t be so quick to point fingers when we slip up and mess up (drops mic).
​I know , I know I may have a few in the bunch that strongly disagrees and that is okay! I’m not mad at ya, but what I am mad about is someone who has a story that can help someone else but instead they sit in the pews every Sunday all dolled up, denying their past battles and acting like they dropped from heaven as lovely as can be!

​Lets be honest, in my own experience there were times when I felt like I have been placed a little too high and seen as some form of perfect from Christians and non Christians. Yeah I enjoy writing, I blog, I YouTube, I work full time, I graduated, I am working on a book, I do poetry, I perform at shows, yada yada yada. It looks good right, it seems like I have it all together, but truth be told I don’t.

​(insert crazy maniac laugh here.)

​In all of that, you want to know what I have struggled with? Doubt (what am I doing, no one will ever listen), fear (I am not good enough. I will never reach the level of so and so), self esteem issues (I’m trying to help others when  I am still trying to find myself. I’m worthless, ugly and a waste of space), etc.

​There was a time when I felt like I had to wear one of those smiley masks when the real me was pretty banged up. I mean literally. After getting over that hump (yes, there are times I still have those humps to get over, lets be real) and experiencing what I have experienced I take joy in my story. I feel joy because what I have been through is what made me the way I am today and I look pretty darn good (all glory to God.)
​Being a Christian is not all about perfection. Jesus came down to earth carrying our weight, ugliness and flaws and died for us. He was the ultimate sacrifice. Personally, I don’t think He was worried about looking all handsome when He was hanging on the cross for my mess. Yes, we rejoice at Who He is but lets not forget to rejoice for what He has done. Lets be real, if He didn’t do what He did we would probably be sitting up in hell somewhere with no choice of eternal life in heaven. The story was not perfect but because of God being a sacrifice for my IMPERFECTIONS the story itself is beautiful.

​Truth be told, I am tired of society’s perception of beauty being based off of no scars, humps or bumps.
There were times that I have spoken with people who apologized for their story being the way it is. Don’t apologize  for what is helping in the process of making you who you are and building you up. Don’t apologize for the opportunity to be resilient.

​God didn’t apologize for His story.

​I’ve learned not to apologize for the struggles I went through, it takes a lot trying to uphold perfection.

​I want you to know that beauty is soul deep. Its that deep, You’re beautiful. To those battling cancer, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. To those downing their appearance, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. To those with physical deformities, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. To those struggling with a mental illness, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. Even to those who done so much work to being perfect and feel like they have arrived, as long as you are beautiful on the inside, you are truly beautiful. To my saints in the first pew with the history of prostitution and addictions YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL and your story is BEAUTIFUL TO! To my saints near the drums who struggled in life and now does not take anything for granted YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL and your story is BEAUTIFUL TO. To my deacons, ministers, pastors and evangelists who know first hand what an overcomer is YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL and your story is BEAUTIFUL TO.
​To all my saints YOURE ARE BEAUTIFUL AND YOUR STORY IS TO! Don’t be ashamed to be transparent and don’t be ashamed to rejoice in the journey you went through! Let us not let the worlds view distort our vision.

​Let me leave this here and Ill catch yall later: (Song of Solomon 4:7) “Thou art all fair, my love; there is no spot in thee.”


Maybe My Belief Was Wrong? Was It?

Yes its that time again! Hello beautiful people, my darlings and loves! Hello to the strangers, acquaintances,  friends and family! Hello all!
​(Yes I am very much aware that I am a tad bit weird and at times extra but that is what makes me me right? Okay then so we’re cool :))
​While doing some studying I came across something; I am pretty sure that I read this plenty of times but while reading Hebrews chapter 11, I found myself evaluating my belief.

​This belief I speak of is my belief about what faith is and my understanding of it.​
Can it be we associate faith with the guarantee for something to happen?
As far as I could remember if I was to pray hard enough, fast long enough and overall assume something was to happen then God would do it and that was that. Now, when it didn’t happen I attempted to deny the feeling of being let down and I attempted to pick up the pieces of my shattered hopes and I continued on my way.

​                                                        Wouldn’t it be wonderful to not have to deal with cutting your hands on shattered hopes?

​Well, after contemplation and reading, that possibility does not seem so foreign at all, it in fact is so close I can fee its presence on my skin!
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                                               Hebrews 11: 1 clearly states, “​Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”

​Faith and hope goes hand in hand. Faith is believing that what we hope for can come to pass; faith is spiritually seeing what can come into fruition (2 Corinthians 5:7); it is the confidence in God.

​Can it be at times we use faith to place God in a box as our genie? I mean if we have faith then it has to happen, right?
​Eh wrong, it does not have to.

​I believe that God does focus on the physicality and yes, He wants us to succeed while on earth but his concern is the soul!

                                “Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth.​” (3 John1:2)

​Take note in, even as thy soul, this scripture emphasizes the importance of the soul prospering and how it is just as important (most likely more) as the materialistic things we try to put first.

                                        What if faith is ultimately trusting God and understanding and believing that He is able to make the impossible possible?

“And Jesus said unto them, Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you.” (Matthew 17:20)

​                                                                                                              What if that mountain can be doubt?

​                                                       What if by having faith and trusting God, doubt has no choice but to move out of the way?

With that thought in place, we are able to put our trust in God and in His will and plan for us.  If it doesn’t go our way or how we would like it to go it’ll be okay because Gods way supersedes our way and 300 out of 100 times His way is better!
​Faith is the confidence in God and in His Word. It can be the confidence in the fact that He will never leave us or forsake us (Hebrews 13:5), in spite of our plans not going as expected or it can be the confidence in knowing that as a Christian we are heirs of Christ and that what He says we shall receive in His Word, we shall receive.

“16The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God:17 And if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified together.18 For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.” (Romans 8:16-18)

​Here is what I am trying to get to, if God says it, it will happen and despite the odds we must stand on His Word and believe that as heirs of Christ we shall receive it.
​If we want it, we must believe God can make it happen despite the odds, we must trust Him in every aspect of our life and trust that He is able to do the impossible and if its not in His will for it to come to pass, our faith and trust should not be altered. Now that’s trust.

​                                                                    Trust is a big deal, without it how can a relationship be maintained?

“But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.​” (Hebrews 11:6)

​If you want to get a run down of individuals in the Bible who had faith, I mean literally, read Hebrews 11. It talks about those who had faith and received, and those you have not received but still had faith,
Maybe if we perceive faith in a different  light and focus more on the heavenly rather then on the earthly and overall place the heavenly desires as our foundation, things would be easier. When I say things I mean, stress, anxiety, broken hopes, dreams and ultimately life.

​Lets try to see the broken hopes as a puzzle piece that only God can put together, in which He can make it look way better then the  boring picture on the box!

Cheers to the Pursuit!

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Cheers to another year, another month and yes another blog post!

​Wow oh ow! Look how far we have come beautiful people!

​No lie, I was like man oh man what am I going to say? Honestly, for the last few days I was not feeling it (whatever it may be).
​As this day approacehed (my birthday-yay!) I was doing alot of soul searching about what I have accomplished, where I am at in life and how I have started off the new year thus far. For me, the new year started off great but I felt like as soon as it started I gave in to the tactics of the devil and some areas of my life I slipped up and fell. Yes, it is so easy to say just get back up but when it seems like you have been fighting and fighting to do something right and one thing that you know you could have handled properly you handled like a fool that in itself personally did not make me feel cool (insert emoji with sunglases). I felt like a failure and at that point I felt like I was “grieving the Holy Spirit” which resided in me.
​As the day went on I felt the atmosphere of sorrow starting to surrond me and the clowds of sadness hang over my head. I began to think too much but in it all I tried to gather the little bit of hope I had to keep fighting. Fighting for peace, happiness and the strength to keep on enduring in this Christian walk.
​As today hit (my birthday) I woke up with a great joy and happiness and readiness to move forward. The previous night was a tough night yet I managed to take sone time and really commune with myself and most importanlty with God. A time that I really needed. I purchased a a book  called Chasing Real and so far the book hit straight on the nail with what I am dealing with.
His manifestations may look different from your expectations (p. 13), a sentence in the beginning pages of the book that really was a wow moment for me.
​I am  over here tearing myself down for where I am not and what I have not yet accomplished; I failed to accept that  His plot for my life may be different then what I envision yet it will be just as beautiful most likelymore radient.
 
A man’s heart deviseth his way: but the Lord directeth his steps.” -Proverbs 16:9

We must always keep in mind that the little picture we paint does not compare to what God has in store for us, let us give it all to Him and let Him diect our steps. Lets us trust Him. Sometimes its easier said then done but it is possible and each day I learn that more and more.

“And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.”-Galatians 6:9

​This is my go to scripture, when I feel like all my efforts are in vain or if I fall down and feel as though I do not have the strength to get back up. As I type this my heart and mind is being reminded once again, KEEP GOING! IF YOU FALL KEEP GOING! IF IT DOES NOT TURN OUT HOW YOU WANT IT TO, KEEP GOING! DONT GIVE UP KEEP GOING! (Imagine Jesus Christ screaming that to you and cheering you on as you run to reach the finish line.)

​Yes, the last few days I was feeling weary and my mess up made it 100xs worse but as God gives me breathe I will keep going. For me, my loved ones and especially for Him. My being on earth does not warap around how I feel but what He has called me to do and who He has called me to be.

​As i conclude this, I want to encourage you all to keep your head up and keep on going. Even when you mess up or it looks ugly and icky, dig your way through and dont only see the light at the end of the tunnel but embrace it. Let God be your vision and you strength.
​Lets leave our downfalls and bad habits back there and lets strive to be a better from here on out. It may take some gloomy nights or beating yousrelf up but remember what matters is your heart. If you have the heart to succeed then succeed!

​I am off to enjoy my birthday, another day to make a change!
​I love you all beautiful people and God bless ❤


What About Me!?

​Is it wrong that I want to have ALL of the advances of a relationship, be married and  have a family? Is it wrong that I want to be a successful writer, spoken word artist, therapist, entrepreneur and so on? Is it wrong that I want to travel, see the world as well as see and experience the different cultures?

Is it wrong that I want to live?!?!

*falls on knees and rips garments*

After some self evaluation I have concluded that nope it’s not wrong…

​Its okay to have desires, hopes and wishes; that is not wrong, but when it comes to a point that your desires surpass your desire for Christ that becomes the issue.

Psalm 37:4 says, “delight thyself also in the Lord: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.”

Delight also means great pleasure; the scripture blatantly tells us that first we should obtain great pleasure in the Lord and following we shall receive the desires of our heart.

​This is not saying that He is a genie but what it is saying is once our delight and pleasures are found in Him and we engulf ourselves in His divine will and His overall beauty, our focus then adjusts to a more bigger and better scenery. Our perception then gets altered and the desire to live for God surpasses our desire to live for things or individuals that can easily pass away.

​Yes, our reliance on God may get weakened due to the distractions of what is happening around us but we must not forget that, “the joy of the Lord is our strenghth” (Nehemiah 8:10).

​How can that be?

It is because He is forever! He said He will never leave us or forsake us(Deuteronomy 31:8). So when all else and everyone else fails He will remain and He can and will fulfill our every need!

​I encourage you,

“But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.”
                                                       -Matthew 6:33