In that moment, time froze.
Everyone around me was insignificant. In that moment I was able to grasp the true meaning of worship. I understood the meaning of praise.
I did not have anything to give, my hands were empty. My mind was flooded with thoughts, my eyes weary from the fight with tears. I did not have anything to offer except for my heart. A weighted heart at that. Filled with so many emotions and so many feelings that could not even be expressed with words.
From a familiar space that I once accompanied, the praise and worship team bellowed out songs of freedom. One song in particular, “Freedom” by Eddie James. I sat on the right side of the church, in the second pew to be exact. The voices echoed, the music blared, a majority of the saints were standing up clapping, jumping, smiling, and singing along.
Freedom looked so good on them.
After sitting down in the pew for a few minutes I literally mustered up the energy to stand up to give God the little that I felt like I had. I had to physically and spiritually muster up the energy.
I stood up and I sang with my heart and soul that I am free.
I wanna clap a little louder than before…
I clapped as loud as my sweaty hands could manage.
I wanna jump higher than before…
I attempted to jump as high as my weak knees could take me.
I wanna sing a little louder than before…
I sang and screamed as loud as I could.
Anyone could have looked at me proclaiming how free I was and wouldn’t have guessed that hours before the service I was bawling my eyes out because I didn’t understand how faith could be so hard. I couldn’t understand how holding on to what I believed and being strong in every possible way could hurt so bad. I felt stupid, pained, and confused. I felt like I was losing everything. My heart poured out in my tears but that night as I stood there waving my arms and praising my way through I understood the meaning of praise.
I stood boldly and believed that everything would be ok. I openly thanked God for all that He has done for me even though my spiritual eyes were blurry. I still believed that He already made a way.
“Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert.”
You see praise is the acknowledgement of what God has done. Amidst trials and tribulations it can be hard to pin point what God has done and what exactly He is doing but that is where trust plays a part.
A relationship thriving on trust is like a boat being carried on water. It is expected that the waves of the ocean will carry the boat to its destination. When we trust God we must trust that He will carry us to our destination and when the waves get a little rocky its important to utilize what He has given us to help us make it through. Just as a boat uses a sail to help with navigation, we have His Word, we have His Spirit to help us with navigation.
From the front of the church the praise and worship team began to sing,
“Mighty are the works of Your hands.
“The works of the LORD are great, sought out of all them that have pleasure therein.”
I felt comfort. A beautiful reminder that the work’s of God are amazing and beautiful. Even in the ugliest situations His glory shines forth and is the light in the midst of darkness. Sometimes we fail to realize that without unfortunate situations it wouldn’t be so easy to grasp and acknowledge how beautiful God really is and it would be hard to really feel His comfort and His presence like no other. To feel HIs arms wrap around you is such a beautiful encounter. The full experience of who He is can only be found in HIs presence and oddly to say sometimes it takes pain and tears to usher us into His presence; to humbly bring us to our knees.
Worship is the acknowledgment of who God is. It was like God reminded me of who He was.
“But the hour cometh, and now is, when the true worshippers shall worship the Father in spirit and in truth: for the Father seeketh such to worship him.
God is a Spirit: and they that worship him must worship him in spirit and in truth.”
Hopefully this blog post encouraged someone, anyone. Through trials and tribulations, through the good, bad, and ugly remember God has not lost sight of you and even with a blurred vision do not lose sight of God. Will it always be easy to praise past the pain and worship Him for who He is when the weight of the world is on your shoulders? No it’s not. Is it possible? Yes. Look to the hills from where your help comes from, if you look long enough you will see the Son rise in your situations..in your life.
I can relate to this. When I was told I was most likely in the early stage of a miscarriage, it was so hard to give the broken pieces of my soul over to God in worship. When I did, I realized how crucial it was to my healing. Without God I had nothing.
Thank you for sharing. Giving everything to God isnt always easy. It can be hard especially if we dont understand why we go through certain situations but once we give our brokenness to Him He has a way of putting all the pieces together. I wish you the very best Lauren! 😌