Hello beautiful people!
This would be my very first blog entry since I restarted blogging again. For those who are not aware, I had a previous blog site but unfortunately I forgot my password so I was unable to resume where I left off, so I decided to start again from scratch.
I must say October 2015 has been the start of something that I do not even know what to name.
Some months before October another problem started to resurface after I buried it for years. After learning how to fight that, low and behold, I encountered something else. Apparently stress snow balled and turned into anxiety. I will be honest, I’ve heard of anxiety but I would have never thought that I would hear the doctor tell me that I have a form of anxiety. Like what!? I was so not expecting that. From the constant worry and stress and uneasiness in my hands, man let me tell you!
October 2015 I experienced my first panic attack. It was the worse, I felt as though I was about to die; my heart was beating uncontrollably, I couldn’t feel my face, my lips and hands were tingly, and I was on the verge of passing out. I came to the realization that excessive stress opens the door for this monster to come through. Now, why do I call this a “monster”? After feeling trapped in my own body, fighting to compose myself, crying, panicking, struggling to regulate my breathing and feeling mentally and physically exhausted, I think it is safe to say that anxiety is not a warm cuddly creature. I would say that since my first panic attack, I must have encountered at least ten more, fought at least four, been hospitalized for at least one, and excused myself from responsibilities at least twice due to it leaving my body feeling beyond horrible. Have you ever felt sick with a bad case of the flu, while at the same time vigorously exercising five days a week and at the same time carrying three bags of bricks? Yeah, does not really sound pleasant huh? Well that’s how my body feels after a very bad case of a panic attack. Now that I have experienced it enough times, I can feel it coming on before it actually comes on. My body just knows something isn’t right and it’s as if it feels the presence of a big violent wave approaching. Now that I can feel when one is coming on I can control it before it happens and calm myself down before it happens. Even though I attempt to take care of this persistent thing before it attacks me, that doesn’t dismiss the fact that it still attacks and those minutes I fight it feels like hours that I am fighting with myself to not let this giant win. When I feel as though this wave has missed me at least two more try to knock me down and the panic attack tries and tries to tear me down but I fight.
That’s exactly what I do, I fight. Now, my story is not over, I feel as though if this isn’t my only giant that I am facing it sure is one of them. I feel like October 2015 is not another chapter but another book in my life and each page I am going to have to read but soon it will be over. I will fight and I encourage whoever finds themselves struggling with anxiety or whatever else it may be, I encourage you to fight. It can get worse before it gets better, the wave cant crash forever, eventually the sea will calm and you’ll see the sun. Don’t let it intimidate you or stop you from living.
You have control!
This trial will be my testimony and I will overcome, you will overcome.
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.“